Screw It All - I'm Worth It!

Everywhere you look people are talking about change, setting goals, getting organized, resolutions, and making 2009 the best year "ever".  Of course, the same can be said with 2008, 1998, 1988 and so on and so forth.  Some of you may even want to block 2008 from your memory banks due to the heartaches, strife and pain you had to endure.   So you pronounce to the world or at least to your Facebook friends that 2009 is going to be great, it's going to be a change, it's going to be different.  Have you, however, sat back and thought about the "how" it's going to be different?  What are you going to do to change the habit, to change the path you are on, to change your mind set?

This post isn't for those of you who are just setting new goals for yourself, this post if for those of you who are indecisive, who are overwhelmed with their personal choices and decisions, this post is  for those of you who are sitting at the computer wondering "what in the world am I doing with my life"?  This post is for those of you are absolutely 100% completely miserable and lost.

Sometimes, in order to get through the negativity that is plaguing your life, you need to identify all of the bullshit, everything that is making you MISERABLE, everything that pisses you right the hell off, everything you don't like about yourself.

If this sounds easy to you, think again.  It is one thing to THINK about what makes you miserable, it's another thing to actually write it down.  To own your anguish.  To actually be honest with yourself to get to the real issue of what is happening to YOU.

This list is for YOUR EYES ONLY!  Not for your friends, not for your significant other, not for anyone but YOU.  I don't want you to feel self conscious about writing down your angst no one is going to see it, no one will know, no one but you.  Hell, you can even burn it after you are done!

Now start writing.

I hate not working

I hate feeling like I am worthless

I am tired of being accused of cheating on my husband when I'm not

I hate my boss

I am tired of listening to the bimbo down the hall talk about all of her "conquests"

I hate coming home

I am tired of listening to my wife berating me because I have a beer after work

I am disgusted by own insecurities

I am absolutely miserable when I'm at home

I want to have kids but my husband doesn't

I am tired of being alone

I want my husband to stop beating me

I wish my ex-wife would stop calling me

I hate that I answer my ex-wife's call on the second ring

I hate that I feel like I can't spend my own money the way I want to

I hate feeling like I have to ask "permission" to go somewhere

I am tired of crawling into bed and not receiving the affection I need from my spouse

I feel trapped inside of a cage that I don't belong in 

I can't stand that I can't hang out with certain friends

I feel guilty about wanting more out of life

I feel guilty about not being as happy as I should be

I am tired of trying to be the person everyone expects me to be

I feel terrible for thinking the things I think - for wishing I had a different life

I want you to completely dump every hate, every piece of guilt, everything that makes you angry, sad, and frustrated on to your paper.  Let it all out no matter how horrible it is.  No matter how much you wish you didn't feel them, I want you to write them all down.

It's exhausting and terrifying, isn't it?

Now divide them into sections:

• Work
• Family
• Self
• Friends

Once you have them categorized, number them by severity level.  What pisses you off MOST?  What makes you the MOST miserable?

Now, write down what you can do to change it.  What do you honestly WANT to do.  Don't feel guilty about the answers.  Remember, this is for YOU only!  Even if it's a ridiculous, just write it down.

Take the bimbo, for example.  How nice would it be to just place duct tape over her mouth?  Seriously, write it down, give yourself a chuckle.  Tired of not being able to hang out with your best friend because your wife doesn't like him, well write down "Screw it, I'm hanging out with him anyway."

You will notice a few things during this little exercise;

1. You will feel relief
   
2. You will feel empowered
3. You will feel scared

You will feel relieved because it's off of your chest and onto paper.

You will feel empowered because you did something about it.

You will scare the living daylights out of yourself, because facing up to your own truth can be a scary thing.

Here is a Suzy fact for you.  Last year I made my newly married husband do the same thing.  I sent him away for a long weekend to do this exercise.  He came back KNOWING what he wanted in life.  He wanted kids.  He wanted a family.  He wanted to be an animator.  He also felt trapped in a life that couldn't give him what he wanted most.  The courage it took Frank to actually SEE what he wanted, to KNOW what he wanted, to ADMIT what he wanted was HUGE.  Huge because I can't have any more kids.  I can't leave the state of Arizona with my children, they would have to stay with their father.  I couldn't give him the life he wanted most.  It was painful for all involved, but in the end how could I not be happy that he KNEW himself?  How could I fault him for KNOWING his dream?  I couldn't and I didn't.  Of course, it would have been better if we had both done this BEFORE we got married, but oops, we aren't perfect.

Know yourself.  Don't be afraid of your feelings.  Don't be afraid to confront that which makes you miserable.  Don't think you CAN'T change it.  Don't be afraid to do something about it.

Before you sit and write down your goals for 2009, why don't you sit down and purge your life of the crap that is weighing you down.  THEN start off new.  THEN you can write down what you WANT, who you want TO BE, what DIRECTION you want your life to go in.

Out with the old and in with the new, right?

Bottom line, YOU ARE WORTH IT so ENJOY LIFE!